My Hard Day^

I couldnt think of what to write so i just sat on the bed & twiddled my thumbs..Tis is the first question that appear in my mind:"Have u ever had one of those days where u jus want to crawl into a cave or jus disappear?"I really despise these few weeks..On those days, absolutely nothing goes right no matter how hard i try, at last nothing works..Days like that are very frustrating for anyone & i know that there are other people out there that have worse days than i do..But for me, i lose hope kind of quickly & days that are so upsetting & disheartening and tear spent all the days with me..

I miss my mom very much when im facing hard time..She's my backer that can be fully trusted by myself..Im all alone and damn lonely in tis bloody house for almost 3 months..Everytime when i came home, i felt very bad as i dunno who i needed to talk to..U want me to talk to my lovely 2 sons(doggies)?I dun think they'll understand me but at least i will feel better..I had a lot of pressure and tension in my job, family, love relationship and the most important thing is my CAREER..Im currently working in car line as sales advisor but seems like luck didnt go my way these few months..I'll not get back what i really wish for no matter how hard i try, how hardwork i am & tis make me feel that hardworking is useless..Sometimes we may not get what we want even we're very hardworking if luck didnt go our way..I got no income at all these few months..All my friends and colleagues keep asking on me how did i survive without income?Well, i jus smiling and walk away cos i dun think that i need to answer their question as tis is my personal question..They always say that im a happy go lucky person but they will not understand what actually im thinking of..Normally i'll hide all my sadness and troublesome when im working cos i dun like to let anyone knows bout my sadness..I always keep on smiling even though im feeling hard..So my sadness wont be in my mom's heart & there's no way she will knows bout it..I kept all my sadness in my heart & i dunno when its going to explore..Sigh..Wat to do?We're human and im getting older and older from day to day..What ppl say, as human grow old and troubles will follow us wherever we go..I totally understand and agree with it now..

Talking bout my CAREER, i really wish that i can work in Emirates Airline cos it was my ambition since i was a kid..I feel like im totally realease from jail when i think of working in airlines..I believe in myself that i can do it and i really need to retrain my self confident..I cant imagine what will happen if my mom get to know that her daughter me will get the chance to work in Emirates Airline?Do i?World of sky @ Cabin Crew in Emirates Airline..I'll pray hard and harder..Some ppl say is quite hard to join Emirates Airline but some say very easy..So im jus standing in the middle will do..Im quite an independence person but sometimes i did feel very lonely cos im staying all alone now..I seldom hang out with my friends cos i dun think that i need so many friends..I need 1 or 2 intimate friends then will do..I ever involved myself in troublesome cos i always hang out with different gangs of friends..That will be a good good lessons for me..1 time is more than enough..My friendly, hyper active, talkative, kind god sister alr went back to her hometown a month ago..She ever stayed with me for few months and she will only bring happiness for me..When the time she was here with me, i always place my sadness and troublesome aside as she always talked funny things to me..I really appreciated her in my life..I never met someone like her before & may be its alr predeterminated..She will look for me when she's feel unhappy or sad..Sometimes i do scolded her cos she likes to hide her sadness and troublesome in her heart..Everytime i can feel that she unhappy cos our soul are sitting in the same boat..Dun feel GELI k..Haha..LOL..Me and her had quite a lot of funny and scary memories..She always support me to miss SOMEONE than the OTHER ONE..I think only her can understand what's that mean..She's the only one that stay beside me and fully support me when im lost..Im totally lost til i cant find the direction to exit..When my world is dark, she lighten up my world..I really wanna say thanks to her..

Love is not something that can just happen easily..It is something that has care and devotion in it..We need to know that when we're really in love, our heart will tell us..Sometimes i felt myself very useless and failure..Im a kind of passive person so i wont take action if nobody push my ass..I got no courage in love relationship..Im being woo by others from the beginning until now and i jus sitting there like waiting for durian to drop down from the trees..Feel funny?Sometimes im quite stupid..I ever fell in love with SOMEONE recently but i got no courage to approach her cos i really scare failure..Im a kind of person that must be number 1 and i cannot let myself lose..I also pay attention to my "face"..That is my bad personality that i need to delete it from my mind..Lastly, i decided to let go cos i heard a lot of news bout her and i dun think i still need to waste my golden time on her..May be this is the punishment from god cos i ever treat ppl real bad in my life..I will accept whatever god gonna do to me cos i believe in "retribution"..Its quite hurt cos that's my first time go after ppl..I alr failed in my first time and how am i going to try for the second times?But i believe time will cure my heart..Jus give me sometimes and im sure i can do it better..I surrender in love relationship cos i been hurt quite many times..They betrayed me (curi makan), talked bad bout me and etc..I swear that i didnt do anything that will hurt them and i alr try my level best to treat them good yet they still did that to me..I didnt feel sad cos i alr get used to it..I took few months time to cure my wound and i told myself that i wont easily get hurt by someone in next love relationship..Or may be i'll choose to stay single cos i never enjoy my single life before..I got to know that its not bad to stay single and its quite enjoyable..LOL..Or may be i'll try to find a nice guy..Who knows what will happen tmr right?Haha..

Time passing so fast day by day and i alr single for almost 3 months..I felt that single life not bad, jus that sometimes i'll feel lonely..Due to my independence life, i believe i can fly through all this hard times easily..I hope that all my sadness and troublesome will gone sooner..I'll stand til the end no matter how cos i know my mom love me so much and i cant make her feel disappointed on me..I always tell myself that "let the nature take it course"..I hope someone will know that im really going through a lot of struggles that im finding it difficult in staying strong but i'll never ever let myself down if i still able to stand it..I believe i can fly, i believe i can touch the sky..Be happy and stay cool always..Cheer..